Social Nosology: Initial Observations

"There's nothing worse than..." "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's..."
Everyone has them, some more than others. The things beyond our control (and comprehension at times) of 'minor triviality' that oftentimes make you feel that common assault against the perpetrator would be justified, even though others may see it as a minor irritation if they indeed find it irritating at all.

According to Harper (2007) what I'm attempting to describe above are "pet peeves". The first recorded use of the term was in 1919, in an apparent 'back-formation' of the 14th century word 'peevish' meaning 'ill-tempered'. So, to clarify: those 'minor annoyances' that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to them, to a greater degree than others may find it.

So what are my particular pet peeves? 

Well, to be honest I have rather a lot. From people standing on the left-hand side of the escalator to that damn breed of people who insist on pulling their suitcase behind them on a mile length extendable handle. From the child screaming for no good reason (after their poor exhausted parent has tried dummy, mobile phone, funny faces, food, bottle, keys, and motherspeak etc...) to the child that is taking a morbid pleasure out of kicking your seat. Oh and lets not forget the toothless crackhead half cut at the back of the bus that is pontificating at the top of his/her lungs about how "Mike took libe'ies when he stabbed that poor cunt for his giro" on the latest iPhone model, or the young 'Man Dem' wannabe chatting absolute 'fraff' to his 'bredrins' about how "you don't know manz like me... manz like me roll differently,bruv..truss me. I'll teach dem youngers some 'spec. Das how I roll...ya get me". 

I can already feel a mild case of acute hypertension coming on as I muse on these most irritating of social phenomena. To combat this I shall continue in bullet points.. as a taster, if you will, of what's to come.

1. Bad weave. In 21st Century London, there's no excuse. I should not be able to use the following phrases anymore: "that was unbe-weave-able". "weave weave it's not fair: give the horses back their hair". "Her headtop can only be described as an explosion in a bad weave factory". Weave wearing ladies of the world, I beg you... sort your shit out.
   
2. Suits and trainers.
   
3. the use of "yous" to refer to a group of people. I don't know what it is but every time I hear it used, a little piece of my soul dies. I resent highly how common this particular word has become, and while there may even exist a historical precedent for such usage (I am not at all saying there is, I'm just covering my bases), I dislike it. I dislike it so much so I am going to stop talking about it.
   
4. Illuminati/FreeMasons/New World Order et al. Conspiracy talk. I will discuss this at length in one of the coming Social Nosology posts. But trust me, I am prepared to lose friends over this nonsense of a most excrementitiously paranoid nature... really? blood sacrifices? Faustian pacts for fame and a permanent spot on MTV Base? Subliminal Messaging in Eminem's videos? And because of all this... you have no choice but to drop out of school, sell drugs and raise a tribe of degenerates so you're not complicit with the establishment? For this reason you won't let your kids watch Rihanna's videos? Not because she's shaking her fanny in their face, gyrating and gesticulating... whipping, slapping, beating and fornicating with a whole B&Q worth of household appliances?
   
5. XL Fast food meals with a 'diet' drink.
   
6. the way a fat kid is never seen without either cake (or general foodstuffs) in their hand, around their face, or very close to one or the other.
   
7. "you have really nice handwriting for a guy".
   
8. People brazenly expressing their individuality beyond the bounds of good taste and common decency. By all means... be who you need to be, and you know... express yourself, but just not in Iceland on a Wednesday morning, or along Victoria Street at rush hour, eh? As much as you have a right to express yourself, I have the right to not be forced to projectile express (read vomit) my reaction: 60y/o+ man with the long blond hair (with bald patch), bright pink summery boob tube, green beads, white clutch bag, pleated tartan mini skirt, bare legs and 7" red stilettos that parades up and down the High Road  I am talking about you!!!

So, there we go... a handful of initial observations.